Cards Speak, High Pair Flushes Pot
When Jaime Garcia was a kicker in high school for his Flick Football team, he lined up the paper football, just left of the finger uprights across from him, adjusting for the southwesterly wind coming...
View ArticleCloser Report, Week 13
It's just sad when you watch what should be a fluid situation turn out to be a fiery car wreck. That's what the bullpen situation with the Angels is like. Just awful to think about, watch...
View ArticleCloser Report, Week 15
In school they teach, or try to teach, in most of our cases for the ADHD crowd, the essentials of a good curriculum. Reading, Writing and arithmetic. We can apply that to the closer situation in...
View ArticleNathan To Remain Closer? You Must Be Joakim
Like a good Jewish boy, Brad Ausmus said to his Bubbie, "Bubbie, I love sulfites, nitrates and pig a**holes, but every time I see a Nathan's, I get the runs. Bubbie, do you have a remedy?" His Bubbie...
View ArticleCloser Report, Week 17
Well, I guess enough was enough in Detroit. It's always nice to waltz around with a security blanket like Linus, and have the ability to add a closer to back-up a closer that is making 10 mil a year....
View ArticleCloser Report, Week 19
It's way too quiet in here... I need a sniper to take out a closer or something. Maybe a team of trained Labrador assassins [Jay's Note: Everyone knows that Labradoodle assassins are better.], no one...
View ArticleCarGo + HanRam = CantGo
Here's a scenario for you: Hanley Ramirez and Carlos Gonzalez get onto a plane. Knowing their inability to stay healthy, you A) Get off the plane. B) Purposely get yourself thrown off the plane by...
View ArticleCloser Report: Week 21
For some strange reason, I have the great Willie Nelson song in my head... On The Road again. Why, you ask? Because I am out perusing the great country of ours and doing fantasy football's 32x32x32...
View ArticleCloser Report: Week 23
This late in the year, Big Head Bochy minus his monsters goes and has to be all "I am changing it back to the way it used to be when all was being drafted and confidence in February Grey was at an...
View ArticleGood Throwin’— Stroman’s Got A Truckload
"We're more alike than we are different." That's what Mary Ann said of her and Ginger, but it could also be said of Marcus Stroman and a Flat-Billed Pitchypus. He needs maybe a fifteen-second ironing...
View ArticleFlores De Los Metos
Yesterday, Wilmer Flores went 3-for-4, 2 runs, 6 RBIs with his 5th and 6th homers. With David Wright hurt, Flores has been playing every day. The Mets are thankfully still able to get Ruben Tejada into...
View ArticleCloser Report: Week 25
Man do I hate the end of the year. People chasing saves are all into it, while the ones that are dead in the water couldn't care less. And let's be honest, they were prolly dead in the water all year...
View Article2015 Preseason Closer Rankings
We now get to the ugly step-sister of rankings and the waiver darling position that we all chase. The relief pitcher is by far the most debated position on who to draft, where, and when. For the...
View Article2015 AL Central Spring Training Preview
Let's head on over to our friends in the American League Central to see which position battles they have going on during Spring Training. First, in Cleveland, Brandon Moss will bring his power bat to...
View ArticleCloser Report: Astro the Close-apotomus
Whenever spring training starts to wind down and the closer spot is yet to be determined, it's never a good thing. It causes rosters to get fat off the land, and wastes your draft picks on no-news...
View Article2015 Disgraces and Delights: Closers
Greetings! The time has come! This is what we've all been so patiently waiting for! Yaaaaaaasssss, Bruce Jenner's sex change is upon us!!! Rejoice! It's also a cool time of the year because MLB is...
View ArticleCloser Report, Week 1: Everyone Has A Closer… Sort Of
The pieces are all set, and it's like the beginning of checkers... Before you secretly cheat while your cousin isn't looking, you should know that 28-of-the-30 teams have labeled a guy to be their...
View ArticleNathan Saves Tigers From Using Him For Saves
If you had 75 hours into the season for when Joakim Soria would become the closer in Detroit, you win a brand new car*! *Prizes not included (there's no car; stop being greedy, you instead get words...
View ArticleSAGNOF Special: Next Up For Saves and Stolen Bases
Why does it seem like there's always more closer situations in flux in the first week than at any other time? Well, whether that's true or not, this year was no different. Don't even try to think...
View ArticleRCL Update: Week 2 Cool For School
Welcome back to the most important Razzball Commenter Leagues post you will read all week. Okay, well, it's the only one, but lets not split hairs. Speaking of splitting hairs, I really need a haircut...
View ArticleFantasy Gods Serve Yasmany Leg Of Lamb
Jake Lamb hit the DL with a stress reaction in his foot. Now the Diamondbacks' defense will go from Lamb to the slaughter with Yasmany Tomas taking over. Yasmany makes Sandoval look like a gazelle....
View ArticlePrice’s Owners Drop F-Bombs Like Bryan
Apparently, it was never the elevation in Coors. It was because it was cold in Colorado. Or at least that's what the Yanks/Tigers game looked like last night while it was played in Arctic temps...
View ArticleNathan’s UCL Snaps Like A Hot Dog
The Tigers announced that Joe Nathan had a torn UCL and would require season-ending Tommy John surgery. This could be the end of a once-illustrious career. To commemorate all that Nathan has done for...
View ArticleDodgers Kenta Sign Greinke So Maeda Move
Kenta Maeda signed with the Dodgers and has been labeled as "Not as good as Yu and Masahiro." Looks that good though. Right? I guess one can edit together 200 IP into a three-minute video to make...
View ArticleK(HR)is K(HR)is K(HR)is
"Hey, I'll take two home runs from Khris Davis and be more than happy. Oh, who am I kidding? I'll take one homer. Gently farting in your direction, Prince Fielder. Three homers? Well that is too...
View ArticleJo-Fer’s Cheese Stakes Out Some TastyK’s In Philly
"But I can't Jo-Fer that (Jo can do). No, I can't Jo-Fer that, (Jo can do). Oh, I can't Jo-Fer that (Jo can do), I can't Jo-Fer that, can't Jo-Fer that, can't Jo-Fer that, but Jo can do!" I can do...
View ArticleBrave Or Chicken? Swanson’s Both!
True or false: A) Dansby Swanson is famous for being Ted Knight's caddy in Caddyshack. B) Starting a meme at his frat house in Arizona where he'd put his checkered pants on a cactus with the caption,...
View ArticleFreeman Hits Ball 40 Acres And Runs Like A Mule
I wonder if Freddie Freeman has Fletch-like dreams where he pictures himself with a huge afro and his name is Freddie World B. Freeman. "He's actually 6-5, with the afro, 6-9. Pretty good hands,...
View ArticleSpringer Rounds For ‘Strosies, Pocket Full Of Dongs
The Astros exploded for 17 runs yesterday, and it was the second game in the last three where they scored at least 16 runs. Twins pitching, "Hold my beer..." Am I doing that right? The hero of the...
View ArticleK’ing Kong Bundy
Hey, guys and five non-guys, Dylan Bundy has awoken my nethers. But can I "stay awoken" as the kids say? The kids don't say that, do they? Please, I'm woke AF! Though, I am confused why kids go...
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